The great Thanksgiving Debate (blog) TV-4 (comic)

Well the turkey will be landing in just a few days. My wife has already started preparing for the big meal. I’ve been doing my part by sacrificing my body and being a taste tester. This weekend the Food Network (one of my favorite channels) was all Thanksgiving themed. Giving tips on how to make your Turkey, cranberries, and pumpkin pie. Then the great debate broke out in the Miller household, to have mashed potatoes or no mashed potatoes?

Now I am a northern boy at heart, and there weren’t too many holiday dinners where we didn’t have mashed potatoes. So I’m all for it of course. But that is one of the differences between the north and the south. Since being down here, they have sweet potatoes and potato salad. But no mashed, at least in my wife’s family. So what is the gravy for? Everything else that is on the plate. The other difference is the stuffing or dressing. This Akron boy had stuffing on Thanksgiving, right from the turkey. It was perfect to mix in with the mashed potatoes and gravy. Down here they have cornbread dressing, just as good mixed in with the turkey and gravy. The big part of the debate came when we discussed the green bean casserole. Not that it was a north or south thing. My wife just doesn’t care for it. I however use it has the foundation on which to build the rest of my meal on, plus I add some of that green bean delight to my salad bowl so I can be sure I’ll have some when I go for seconds. What? Did you think I was going to use my salad bowl on salad? Salad is a waste of Thanksgiving time.

I finally said that since she was making the Thanksgiving meal it would be up to her if there were mashed potatoes or not. I figured if they were there along with the sweet potatoes, cranberries, bread, and turkey that would be a bonus. She decided she would make both stuffing and cornbread (BONUS!). But I had to put my foot down on the green bean casserole. If it came down to a matter of northern and southern peace I might have gave in. But, it was a matter of her taste and that is just not a good enough argument. Plus some traditions you just don’t mess around with.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

McRib

When I was a bachelor, I would tell people I had my own four food groups; Cereal, Pizza, Fast Food, and Snack Cakes (preferably Little Debbie). Not only because did they taste great, but also the convenience of preparing them. I would typically prefer to just pull through the nearest drive thru window on the way home. I sometime think that if you add McDonald’s fries to any meal, it will taste better. The golden arches will forever be a part of American culture. But I also became a decent cook during those years of single living, so good in fact I developed, what I consider, a good taste in food. Here is a little cooking tip; take the packet of the cheese powder from the Mac N’ Cheese and add it to your popcorn. Now that’s gourmet.

So as much as I would love to hang out with Ronald McDonald for the day, I have to disagree with some of his menu items. I do love the Chicken McNuggets, but you do have to wonder what part of the chicken they come from and if it is in fact all chicken. Really if you think about it, when was the last time you heard someone call them by the full name of Chicken McNuggets, even kids just ask for McNuggets. My dad use to say they taste like cardboard. But if you add enough ketchup and barbeque sauce, anything will taste good.

So I guess when McDees thinks about the Holidays they think ribs, because the McRib is back. I saw this on the sign going to work, “We’re Thankful that the McRib is back.” This is the true definition of McFake. Think about the last time you had ribs. What is part of the ribs? The bone! The RIB BONE! Some how, and I think it was that big purple thing they call Grimace, McDees has produce some sort of animal that does not have a rib bone. If you look at the sandwich it will appear it has the shape of some rib bones, but it is all meat, I think. That can’t be natural, nor is it good. I have a theory that if you take all the sauce off of the McRib and compared it to the McNugget, it would be the same substance. Other than their hamburgers, the clown really does not serve meat. They serve McShapes, they put this substance in some sort of Play Doh machine and if it looks like something, they grill it or deep fry it and serve it to the public. You know why they can get away with this? Because they have the whole country addicted to their fries. I don’t care what you put in the bag just make sure you give me the biggie size fries. And a Diet coke, I’m watching my weight.

The Golden Arches

I don’t know if you can tell if you follow me on this blog. But, I love food. I love to try new foods, and if I didn’t like something the first time I’ll try it again just to give it another chance. So it’s a blessing for me that I married a good cook. But, that comes with it setbacks as well. My wife wants to keep me around for awhile, so that means she cooks healthy and it eliminates on of my favorite food groups… Fast Food. So when I get the chance to grab an extra value meal with cheese I jump at it.

This pass weekend my wife was asked to make a cake and organize a wedding, which means she didn’t have a lot of time to cook. Friday night she had to be at the rehearsal and that left me on my own for dinner. For me that means I got to go to McDs. I believe that when I’m standing in line to get into heaven to walk through the Golden Gates, there will be drive thru for the Golden Arches along the way. Their fries are that good.

So I’m in the drive thru, mouth watering at the thought of getting my body its grease fix that it hasn’t had in months. Of course I get behind someone who doesn’t know what hey want. McDonalds has been around for 45 years, I Googled it so it must be true. I would think that in those 45 years a hamburger place has not changed their menu that much. Over time they have simplified their menu by making pictures on their menu board and putting a number to it. So finally after inhaling the exhaust fumes for 15 minutes from the clunker in front of me it was my turn. I got a double quarter pounder with cheese. That’s right, not one all beef patty (yeah right, all beef), but two all beef patties with cheese. Of course I paid extra for a larger size fries, why even bother if you don’t get the extra fires. For the drink I got a Dr. Pepper, I’m not insulting the mighty hamburger clown by getting a diet drink. So it’s my turn to pay after the person in front of me took 20 minutes digging in their car seats to pay for their meal. I get to the window and the cashier goes, you had two small fires correct. I wanted to say, “Do I look like a guy that would order two small fries.” But I politely said no and told her I had the number 3 (see it’s really not that hard to remember). I gave her my debit card and this little teenage brat goes “Your card was not accepted, do have any cash?” I just used the card five minutes ago at the store, and I haven’t carried cash on me since the late 90’s. How hard is it to swipe a card in a machine correctly? She probably couldn’t count change back to me right anyways. So I politely said no, and gave her a different card. I get my food and had to wait another 10 minutes to leave while I wait on that person in front of me to check to make sure they got their order correctly and eat half their fries. I really dislike that person.

Finally home, I get my treasure spread out on the coffee table, turn on the TV, get ready to settle down to enjoy my feast. I had to knock the cat off the table like five times to get his head out the bag. He knows after many years together that there are always a few fries at the bottom of the bag for him. What happens, I get the wrong drink. It was sweet tea. I’ve been down south long enough to enjoy sweet tea, not a big deal. But they messed up huge. My fry box was only half full. The whole point are the fries, I think they add a drug to them to make you addicted to them. I knock the cat away again thinking they all fell in the bag. Nope, I got ripped off. You would think after 45 years, they would have this down to a science and get an order filled correctly. But I had hope for tomorrow; my wife would be busy with the wedding and we had already talked about going to Wendy’s for lunch. MMMM biggie fires and a frosty, I thought I was in heaven.

Birthday and Food

This weekend I celebrated my 37th birthday. My wife planned a wonderful trip for me to Chattanooga, TN. We went to the zoo, the aquarium and on the way home went to a diner that was featured on the Food Network's "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives." Triple D known to us fans of the show. This made me think about how food is involved in all the important parts of our life. When we are born they have baby showers and serve food, every birthday they serve food, graduations they serve food, when you get married there is food involved, and when you or someone you know passes away food is given to the family. There are even occasions when you get hurt, people will be nice enough to help out and bring you food. Maybe it's because I'm a Baptist, you can't have an event at church without some sort of food being involved. So it was a little bit of a struggle when I moved out of my parents' house and had to take care of myself. I mean praise God for the frozen food department and microwaves, but you can only enjoy the taste of fake food for so long. I believe fast food places created the 99 cent menu for single people and the pizza delivery people are angels in my book. But there comes a point when you have to learn to cook. Sure there are things like ramen noodles that are the cheapest things in the store, but check out the salt content in those things. I got creative and cut up hot dogs in my macaroni and cheese, I called that gourmet. Cereal became a favorite and easy dinner for me, plus if you got bored you could mix up your favorite brands together. I always made sure I added Cocoa Pebbles to mine so I would have chocolate milk to drink at the end. The biggest advice I can give to those that are challenged in the culinary arts is to make lots of friends and hope you get invited to those big life events where there is always food. Or do what I did, marry a good cook.

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 "I know that nothing is better for them than to
rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and
drink and enjoy the good of all his labor-it is the gift of God."

Grocery Shopping

Cooking and grocery shopping were not a normal routine for me when I was single. When I went for my groceries I headed straight for the frozen foods or deli. Once in a while I would get creative and cut up hot dogs in my mac n' cheese. If I saw a cute girl in the store, I thought it would impress her if I had a lot of vegetables in my cart (buggy as they say in the south, but that is for another post). Or I tried to impress the cute check out girl by buying expensive food that looked like I was cooking a gourmet meal, but buying Capt'n Crunch and Fruity Pebbles always ruins that image.

Now that I am married, I never go grocery shopping. Not because I don't want to help out. It is a game for my wife to go with her stack of coupons and see how much free stuff she can get. I guess she feels like she is "sticking it to the man " or something. It is nice to come home and have the refrigerator full, it's like a magic box with never ending food. Plus, in the 2 years that I have been married I haven't had one frozen microwave meal. Which is good because between the food that was in them and the emissions from the microwave, I think it was changing my body chemistry in a weird way.